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The Narrow Hallway by ~DarksideofNick:iconDarksideofNick:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open


The Narrow Hallway.
By: Nicolas N.

Walk down the narrow hallway;
with it's black and white pattern.

You only see the narrow hallway;
you know not what lies outside it.

You trust the hallway,
and with it you judge.

Opportunity would knock;
if it could find a door.

There are no windows;
through which the thoughts of others could get in.

Ignorant to the world outside;
you shun that which is not in the hallway.

Only the narrow hallway;
with it's black and white pattern.
©2005-2009 ~DarksideofNick
:icondarksideofnick:

Author's Comments

What can I say? Another piece by me. I was inspired during a conversation between myself and ~TimeYetToDream, many thanks to him ^_^.

Comments


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:iconkasai-kage:
~kasai-kage Apr 8, 2005, 12:22:09 PM
that's really great

--
:blackrose: Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present. :blackrose:
:iconslipknotaddict829:
~SlipKnotAddict829 Apr 8, 2005, 1:31:04 PM
aww.. its lonely... and delicate.. i like it .. seems like a very broken person walking that hallway...

<33

--
bleed
a w a y
your
v a i n i t y,
locked inside those
b r o k e n
veins
:iconwings-of-hell:
~Wings-of-Hell Apr 8, 2005, 1:32:36 PM
I like the statement the poem is trying to make, but it appears that the straight forward approach in some of the stanzas ruins it to some degree. The "Narrow Hallway" and "black and white pattern" are obviously metaphors, but in the 4th, 5th, and 6th stanzas you present your metaphor and then explain it... which, it feels to me, kills the purpose of the metaphor in the first place.

here are a couple of ideas I thought of: "Opportunity would knock/ If there were a door" or something like that. Maybe somehow alluding to the way that the person walking doesn't want a door. "There are no windows/ Other halls cannot be seen." Seems a little lame to me, but I hope you catch my drift...

Then again, you could always leave it as it is, since this is little more than an opinion ^^; It's a good poem, do what you like!

--
Missing in Action
:icontimeyettodream:
~TimeYetToDream Apr 8, 2005, 2:07:42 PM
I think I see where you're going with the last modification... 'you cannot see other walks of life' kinda thing, right?

--
The sensation of clarity clouds judgement... therefore, I know that I am thinking clearly when everything looks so cloudy out.
:iconwings-of-hell:
~Wings-of-Hell Apr 8, 2005, 2:23:23 PM
Yeah. That stanza was about being close-minded, and this modification still carries that, as you pointed out. You got it :)

--
Missing in Action
:icontimeyettodream:
~TimeYetToDream Apr 8, 2005, 2:27:31 PM
Nicholas Nicholai!... sorry, couldn't help but say that... heh.
It does well to show how ignorance can disguise itself and the perspective of those ridden with it.
It follows some of the greater points of our conversation that night.
I'm very glad to have been such help in the production of this piece.

--
The sensation of clarity clouds judgement... therefore, I know that I am thinking clearly when everything looks so cloudy out.
:icondarksideofnick:
~DarksideofNick Apr 8, 2005, 11:27:06 PM
Thank you ^_^

--
"And thusly your wonderland crumbles."
:icondarksideofnick:
~DarksideofNick Apr 8, 2005, 11:27:43 PM
*bows* many thanks.

--
"And thusly your wonderland crumbles."
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